The Escape

I get so lost in you. You have given me hope and strength that I never had before. I want to paint canvas upon canvas of my love for you. Who was I before you, just a shell I suppose. You have taught me love in it's highest form. My world is no longer surrounded by shadows and tears and pain unbounded, nor is it haunted by the "darkness by morning". That is no longer.
Now my days are filled with laughter and giggles of a soul so innocent and pure and attached to my heart so.
Could there be any gift more precious... more inspiring ? I shall not doubt, nor could I. From a life so self consuming to a light so bright that I could not turn away.
I feel like you have always been with me and maybe you have been in some special way, deep inside of me...reminding me that someday I would find my way out of the fog of this world and out of my melancholy, onto a path lit and never darkening, to a love so profound... a tiny smile from heaven. To He who resides above the blue... I owe my soul.

 

Restless Thoughts

This mind so unsettled,where will I rest my head. The pillow is soft, yet it never holds my thoughts. I lay awake and dream of a day when my head will lay empty and peaceful,where no thought will enter in or out, just plain empty. The sunset shapes my thoughts, as I fly up into the sun and I explode and disperse into a million tiny pieces and then maybe I'll be whole again. My heart lay desolate, stolen and stepped on, I will not trust again. Tried and true I've failed and so will you. The One inside always hides, to you it'll not be shown. Behind the mask hides the hideous face of the One you called your own. How could it be that we are so left out, that we didn't see the signs. That we couldn't unmask the One we loved and that then we were left behind.

4 Walls

These walls have grown tired of my hopelessness. They cry out as if they've taken on my weakened spirit. Have they not seen all? The voices, the ones come and gone?Will this be my legacy? My death is often flashed before me in different sequences. When will I meet my demise? My punishment soon coming, the hours of sleep have diminished, and I continue to grow more weary as months pass.
Above the clouds and into heaven he knows of my tortured mind, yet will he let me continue on with the rest of you for the small hope that I may one day hear my thoughts in the clear. My chance remains small, and my heart still entrenched in the things of this world. I see you taking me to the eternal resting place. Will it not then be cold and the eyed fastened shut, for no reopening will they have? My descent below I will not know of, nor of anything anymore. This remains my fate. And so these walls continue to weep with me until exhausted they crumble.
Written: 11-2-03

Dwelling At Midnight

Falling into simple spirals, I see you in the coils. Simple and true to yourself, I will not relate to your fashion. Tears falling, spiraling through your simple self, my demands remain to great. Canceling out my heart you turn away and validate nothing of mine. My soul scatters and stays alone in this urgent time.Ticking away , replaying my past mistakes, over and over till my eyes sink in and become dead in amongst my skull, dead to all I've seen. Ears pierced with the sounds of all your selfish words. Piercing, my vengeance, my silence, too long to behold any longer, I'll twist myself in through you, to infiltrate this marooned state, up and into your mind. Your nights sleepless and your dreams corrupted, I form the fear in you that you created in me, in this I take my salvation to the end.

the trouble with this picture is all to faded. i lost myself in you and forgot my way home. you were such a big part of me, i thought we'd always be. i remember when we'd just stare into each others eyes, and i remember you saying that it was like heaven, just looking into each others eyes. but you weren't there to stay. our happiness would be short lived. you had such a passionate mind and your heart was genuine, but your soul wouldn't free you of your tormented past. i ran with you for awhile and i thought i could be your savior. but things just crumbled as they often do with minds like ours. i think of you often and the words we used to speak... sometimes we were out there, but we understood each other completley. when we had to part the sadness was all mine. you went back to the life you once knew and left me alone.. behind. you chose what was most important to you, some would say sorrow and shame. i lost you to your precious weakness..heroine and cocaine.

The Last Sail

Why look at the way the moon casts a ghostly shadow across the sea. My boat that I set asail in..some time ago is beginning to look faded and rusted. I've had so much time out here to think, to think about the goings on ashore. When I set out, I believed that I could find a deeper side of creation.
I have let time disappear from my world, nor do I know the day, it is all just a memory. All things ashore are invalid, unfair, and beyond any reason. I will sail along until I see the last sun set, until the very last moon plunges into the ocean, until the last sea creature vanishes. My time at sea will not be cut short. Goodbye to those who mocked me, goodbye to those who laughed in their own hate."Sail on". I will cry. "Sail on".